I've read, loved, and laughed at every Hendrix novel I could get my hands on, so I anxiously awaited the arrival of his latest work. It just happened to release while I was traveling, and a local bookstore in the area had signed copies! Score!
In case you're not familiar with Grady Hendrix, I should explain that he writes satirical horror. If you're looking for a serious, scary story, you're in the wrong place. Exit is down the hall and to the left.
However, if you're up for a hilarious haunted house adventure, buckle up—it's gonna be a wild ride.
After a brief prologue, the story is split up into 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, which most people know as the Five Stages of Grief.
Denial starts off when our main character, Louise, gets a phone call no one ever wants to receive: her parents are dead. They were killed in a car accident, T-boned at an intersection during a bad storm. Louise is in shock at first, telling her brother, Mark, that she doesn't believe him and asking if he's been drinking. She calls their Aunt Honey, who simply tells her, "Pack a nice dress, and come home."
After breaking the news to her daughter, Poppy, and arranging for her to stay with her father, Louise boards a plane and heads home to Charleston.
She arrives at her parents' empty home, and is greeted by hundreds of her mom's dolls staring at her from every available surface.
If you think the doll collection is impressive, just wait til you hear about the puppets. Not to mention the Nativity scene made from taxidermied squirrels.
Most eerie of all are the two biggest dolls, sitting on the couch while the Home Shopping Network plays on the TV. Their mom had dolls made in Louise and Mark's likeness after they moved away from home, saying, "No matter where you two go, I can keep my precious babies with me forever."
Louise starts to notice that it seems like her parents left the house in a hurry. The TV was left on, there's a hammer next to her dad's favorite easy chair, and his cane lays abandoned on the floor. Ever since a leg injury ten months prior, he hasn't been able to go anywhere without his cane. Something is definitely off, and Louise's uneasy feeling increases when she discovers that the attic hatch has been nailed shut.
Unbeknownst to Louise, Mark has already hired a decluttering crew to clean out their parents' house, and she is startled by their arrival a few minutes later. Then, her brother turns up, and the two argue about how to handle what he refers to as their parents' "junk." Mark has also paid for their parents to be cremated, with their ashes scattered at the beach the following Tuesday. Louise reminds him that they have burial plots already arranged, they had zero desire to be cremated, and you can't cremate someone against their wishes.
Unfortunately, the deed is already done, and Mark suggests splitting the ashes, so Louise can bury her half and he can scatter his.
“These are our parents! They’re not a doughnut! You don’t split them in half.”
Eventually, with some help from the extended family, they're able to put together a proper funeral. At least, as proper as a funeral can be when one of the dearly departed was a beloved member of The Fellowship of Christian Puppeteers and almost every person in attendance has a puppet on their arm.
Fun little Easter Egg: Hendrix included a copy of the funeral program at the very end of the book, and it's the single most ridiculous thing you'll read for a long time to come (probably until his next novel comes out).
Louise and Mark's fighting continues through Anger, after it's discovered that the whole of their parents' estate has been left to Mark, with the exception of their mom's artwork: all of that now belongs to Louise.
They eventually agree that Louise can go through and pack all the art in the house she wants to keep, then Mark can do whatever he wants with the house. However, with their mom's extensive collection of puppets, paintings, string art, and other DIY projects, that could take a while, especially since things don't exactly go as planned.
The taxidermied squirrels make a rather dramatic and terrifying appearance, and we're better introduced to Pupkin, their mom's favorite puppet. Louise just can't seem to get rid of him, despite multiple attempts.
Oh, and the TV keeps turning itself on.
'“This is where we grew up. It’s not The Shining.” “It’s Shining-adjacent.”'
Bargaining takes us back in time, where we learn Louise and Mark's personal stories with Pupkin, their dark family history, and why they've been at odds with each other for years.
They also finally agree to work together to fix their present-day problem, and the solution is just as crazy as the issue itself; but, considering the plan is hatched at 1am at a Waffle House, would we expect anything less?
I can't say too much more without giving away huge spoilers, but you'll find yourself doing a double take at every page. Whatever you think you read is correct, I promise.
Depression is where the story comes to a head. After a not-séance where Pupkin's true identity is revealed, it's now an all out war against the puppets, and Mark and Louise need to stop Pupkin before it's too late.
Acceptance is the final chapter, bringing together this roller coaster of a story that is equal parts humorous and heartbreaking.
Hendrix has truly outdone himself with this one, and as much as I've loved his other work (which I'm sure I'll review eventually), this is easily my new favorite.
It's a story about crazy family dynamics, loss, grief, and coming to terms with the past in order to create a better future, all told with a satirical, dry sense of humor that will have you laughing for days to follow.
“You know, Louise, statistically, and there’s a lot of variance in these numbers, but in general, from a strictly scientific point of view, everything turns out okay an improbable number of times.”