I wanted this book from the moment I laid eyes on it—between the stunning cover design and the title, what's not to love? What I definitely didn't realize at the time was that the author is the same Rupert Holmes known for the Pina Colada Song. We all know the one.
Let's give some credit where it's due here, because Mr. Holmes has some serious range.
This was such an original concept that walked the perfect line between humorous and chilling. I've never read anything quite like it before.
The story centers around McMasters Conservatory for the Applied Arts, although its exact location remains unknown. This is a top-secret school dedicated to teaching its students how to execute the perfect murder—or as they prefer to call it, deletion. The Foreword introduces us to Dean Harbinger Harrow, who asks the question: "What do all these supposedly great killers have in common? Answer: you've heard of them! Shame, and for shame!!! If you take away but one thought from this preamble, let it be that the successful deletist is the unacknowledged deletist!"
Dean Harrow then teaches us about the Four Enquiries, which every potential deletist must ask themselves before moving forward.
Is this murder necessary?
Have you given the target every last chance to redeem themselves?
What innocent person might suffer by your actions?
Will this deletion improve the life of others?
If students can provide satisfactory answers for all of the above, McMasters will teach them how to plan and execute a foolproof deletion.
If they're successful, the world is considered a better place for it. Many McMasters graduates go on to have successful careers in politics, entertainment, and sports, and the public is none the wiser.
If they fail, the consequences are, quite literally, deadly.
"Wherever a murder goes unsolved, there goes a McMasters Graduate."
Our story follows 3 students through their education at McMasters: Cliff Iverson, Gemma Lindley, and Dulcie Mown.
After murdering his boss, Merrill Fiedler, Cliff is followed to his hotel by Captain Dobson and Sergeant Stedge. Despite what he thought was the perfect execution, disguise, and alibi, Dobson and Stedge know exactly who Cliff is, what he did, and then they break the worst news of all: Fiedler is still alive.
Instead of arresting Cliff, they tell him they've been trailing him for weeks, they know all about his boss and agree that he deserves to die, and Cliff is in need of some schooling so he doesn't screw up a second time. It takes some convincing, but since Cliff has nothing to lose, he allows himself to be drugged, blindfolded, and taken to a top secret location—whichhe would soon discover to be McMasters Conservatory for the Applied Arts.
We then learn that a mysterious sponsor has paid for Cliff's tuition—apparently he isn't the only one who wants Fiedler dead.
Cliff is required to keep a journal documenting his education so that his sponsor can keep an eye on his progress, and that is how we're told the majority of the story. Dean Harrow pops in occasionally for clarification, and further into the book, he shares the stories of Dulcie and Gemma's time at McMasters.
It has a bit of a slow start, but we learn more about each character's backstory, their intended target, and how each of them came to study at McMasters. Then, we follow them into the real world to execute their deletions—whether successful or not.
This is an adventurous concept for a book, but Mr. Holmes executed it beautifully. It's a great reminder of how precious life truly is, and why it's so important to be kind. If you haven't always been the most compassionate, consider this a good time for redemption—it could literally save your life.